


I'm a sucker for you

by NotfunnyDean (IronEyes)



Series: SPN Song Challenge 2019 [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean is an Idiot, Dean pretends to forget their kisses, M/M, OR IS HE, and Cas is done with him, cas is so in love and hurt, drunk!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 15:23:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18055055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IronEyes/pseuds/NotfunnyDean
Summary: Dean knows he and Castiel are a good team, but he only talks about his feelings for Castiel when he’s drunk and doesn’t remember their kisses in the morning. Someday Castiel has enough.





	I'm a sucker for you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :D I'm back again with a new Fic! This one is for another bingo I decided to try. The Song Challenge Bingo. This one was for the square 'Sucker for you' from the Jonas Brothers.
> 
> I’m a huge sucker (haha get it) for this song and I’m glad I could write something about it for this challenge. Fun Fact: I listened the whole time to the song while writing and broke my own heart a bit, too.

“Dean!”

Dean looks up when Castiel yells his name and he smirks when he sees that Castiel is throwing his angel blade towards him. Dean catches it rather easily and turns around to stick it right into the demon's face.

The demon screams and Dean waits until all the light bursts out of him. The body falls to the ground and Dean looks back to Castiel. The angel looks a bit bruised, but not hurt too bad. Dean throws the blade back to him.

“Nice work.” Dean says and grins. He knows how good Castiel and him are as a team now. He's usually best when he's hunting with Sam, but that changed in the last months. Sure, Sam is still Dean’s partner most of the time, but it’s different with Castiel.

“It was rather risky.” Castiel replies and with a barely noticeable move of his wrist, the angel blade is gone again. Dean shakes his head and looks around. A dozen demons lie around them in the grass.

“Yeah, but we’re a good team, so I wasn’t worried.” Dean says and Castiel frowns for a moment, before his expressions smooths into something more soft. He smiles a bit and then the bodies around them vanish into thin air.

“You think we are a good team?” Castiel asks and Dean rolls his eyes. He gets his own knife, from where one of the demons had kicked it and then winks at Castiel.

“I think we go together better than birds of a feather. You and me.” Dean says and he doesn’t know why he said that. Normally, he has his feelings way more under control. Maybe it’s the adrenalin. He shrugs at himself and walk to the small path, that would lead them back to Baby.

“I don’t understand that reference.” Castiel says behind him and Dean snickers a bit. It wasn’t even a reference, but him making fun of Castiel’s wings a bit. So maybe he is lucky that Castiel didn’t understand it.

“Doesn’t matter.” Dean says and he walks for the next minutes in silence. It’s december and there is a thin layer of snow on the ground. Dean shudders a bit, even though he wears enough layers. Now that the fight is over, he feels the cold deep in his bones.

“Dean, are you alright?” Castiel asks when Dean rubs over his arms to keep himself warm. Dean grunts something as an answer, because he wouldn’t tell Castiel that he is cold, when something weird happens.

Dean can’t see anything really, but he has a weird feeling and he turns back around to the angel. Castiel is staring at him and like always, Dean feels himself helplessly staring back.

The snow around them begins to melt and Dean snaps out of the staring, when a water drop from one of the trees lands on his nose. Castiel grins at that and Dean shakes his head, while he tries to hide his own laugh.

“Changing the weather?” Dean asks and starts to walk again. This time Castiel is a bit faster and walks right next to him, instead of trailing behind him. Dean kicks a stone away and sighs happily. He feels warmer already.

“I would never.” Castiel says and Dean snorts. Yeah sure. It’s still cold, but he feels much better now that the snow is gone. The path is a bit smaller towards the end and Dean can already see Baby, when Castiel’s shoulder brushes against his own.

Dean shudders again. No matter how cold it is, with Castiel around he feels a heat that shouldn’t be allowed in December. Dean knows it has nothing to do with Castiel’s angel powers.

“So how about we celebrate this successful hunt?” Dean asks, when he reaches Baby and opens her door. Castiel tilts his head to one side, he doesn’t seem too happy about the idea.

“How?” Castiel asks and Dean grins over Baby’s roof at him.

“In a bar of course, I saw one on the way here and it looked like we could have some deserved fun there.” Dean waggles his eyebrows and he tries to ignore the lump in his throat, when Castiel rolls his eyes at him.

“For all I care.” Castiel mutters and Dean sighs.

 

*

 

“Hey Handsome.” Dean mutters into Castiel’s ear and he nearly falls flat on his ass, when Castiel takes a step to the side. He looks extremely uncomfortable and Dean squints at him.

“Dean, please stop.” Castiel says and he sits down on one of the chairs against the bar. Dean frowns and takes another sip of his beer, before he sits down on the empty chair beside Castiel. Not without stroking over his thigh.

“You don’t want me to stop.” Dean says grinning as he orders himself a whiskey. He has been drinking beer and whiskey all night long and he is really starting to feel it, not that he hates it. He loves being drunk. It’s easier.

Castiel doesn’t answer this time and Dean frowns a bit, before he leans closer again. He just wants to be near his angel, but apparently Castiel is really not happy with him today, Dean pouts.

“Dean, why are you doing this?” Castiel whispers and he looks almost pained when he looks into Dean’s eyes. Dean pouts a bit more and Castiel rolls his eyes again. He seems to do that a lot around Dean.

“What am I doing?” Dean asks back and he drinks the whiskey in his glass in one go. His right hand finds Castiel’s thigh again but this time Castiel shoves it away. Dean doesn’t understand why Castiel is being so angry today.

“Forget it.” Castiel says and he gets up from his chair, before Dean can say anything. Dean watches a bit helplessly how Castiel actually leaves the bar and winces when the door falls shut behind him.

Maybe Castiel was angry, because Dean was dancing with that girl earlier? But that was just fun and nothing serious. Heck, he had danced with many people before, even on top of cars. Why was Castiel angry about that?

Dean drinks another whiskey, before he decides to follow his angel. He doesn’t want Castiel to be angry with him. He wants to be in his angel’s arms again.

Dean gets up and he stumbles out of the bar when he doesn’t see the last step of the stairs. Luckily, he doesn’t fall on his face, because there is Castiel again. Already holding him. Dean sighs happily.

“What are you doing, Dean?” Castiel wants to know again and he sounds even more angry now. Dean closes his eyes and takes another deep breath. Sadly, as soon as he stands on his feet again, Castiel gets some space between them.

“I follow you through the dark.” Dean answers and he shudders from the cold. He doesn’t even remember where he left his jacket, but as soon as he thinks that, he is already cuddled in it. Castiel’s doing for sure.

“Why?” Castiel presses even more and Dean shrugs. He always wants to be near Castiel, but normally he tries not to show it at all.

“I can’t get enough.” Dean says and when Castiel leans against Baby, Dean takes a few steps toward him again. Castiel doesn’t move away and Dean presses his face against his neck and inhales deeply.

“Dean.” Castiel says and his voice sounds even deeper than usual. Dean shudders and presses a kiss right over his pulse. Castiel groans quietly, but as soon as Dean’s lips stop touching his skin, Castiel pushes him away again.

“Cas.” Dean practically whines, but Castiel shakes his head. 

“You don’t want this.” Castiel says and it comes out way too sad. Dean isn’t sure why his angel is so down today, but he doesn’t like it.

“Of course I want it! You’re… you’re like the medicine in the pain. Cas, I need you.” Dean says and Castiel laughs, but it doesn’t sound happy. It sounds almost as if he’s crying.

“So I’m only good enough to heal you?” Castiel asks back and Dean presses his hand over his shoulder, where Castiel healed a deep wound just a few hours before. Dean shakes his head. Castiel didn’t seem to understand.

“No! You are like the tattoo inside my brain. Permanent.” Dean says and Castiel presses his eyes close. Dean looks at his shoes, he can’t think straight. Too drunk for real sentences. His hangover tomorrow will be bad, he is already getting a headache now.

“I don’t understand, Dean.” Castiel says quietly and Dean nods.

“I meant you are like… always in my head. I can’t stop thinking about you.” Dean says and he hopes that Castiel understands it this time. For a moment Dean could swear that there are tears in Castiel’s beautiful eyes, but when he blinks, they are gone.

“I wish.” Castiel says and it comes out bitter. Dean ignores that and tries to get Castiel to cuddle him back. Castiel sighs very loudly, but when Dean presses up against him, he finally puts his arms around Dean’s hips.

“Baby, you know it’s obvious.” Dean whispers quietly and he finally kisses Castiel. It's been weeks since he kissed him, too long. It takes Castiel forever to kiss back, but Dean sighs happily, when he finally does.

“You are just saying it because you are drunk.” Castiel says when he ends the kiss and Dean wants to protest that he isn’t drunk, but he even sways a bit on his feet. Maybe Castiel is right, but his feelings aren’t fake.

“Don’t complicate it.” Dean whispers and Castiel denies the next kiss, when he turns his head. Dean kisses his cheek instead.

“I don’t understand why you want me.” Castiel says and something in Dean’s chest aches. How could Castiel not understand? He is the most perfect being in the world. Dean knows that he isn’t good enough for him, surely Castiel knows that as well. So why is he saying things like this?

“Because I know you and you know everything about me.” Dean says and that is not even one percent of the reasons he loves Castiel, but he means it. Nobody else in the entire world knows that Dean is bisexual. Sure, Charlie or Sam might believe that he is bi, but only Castiel knows it.

Dean would trust Castiel with more than just his life, he would trust him with his heart too, but somehow it’s hard to remember that when he is not drunk.

“And tomorrow, you will pretend this never happened, like all the other times.” Castiel says and Dean shrugs a bit awkwardly. Castiel’s hands are still on his hips and Dean puts his arms around Castiel’s neck.

“Maybe I mean, I can’t remember all of the nights. I don’t remember when you’re around me.” Dean says and he giggles. It’s true. He forgets about the whole world when he is with Castiel.

“I love you.” Castiel whispers and Dean blinks when he feels something wet against his cheek. Ugh, maybe it is snowing already again. Dean nuzzles his face against Castiel’s.

“I love you, too.” Dean answers and he kisses Castiel again. He never wants this to end. But somehow deeply in the back of his mind he knows that it will end. He concentrates back on the kiss.

“Then you will understand, that I will leave you.” Castiel says and vanishes. Dean falls hard against Baby and then the world goes dark around him when he hits the ground.

 

*

 

“And he just left?” Sam asks and Dean groans. They went over this for so many times already, since Castiel had left two weeks ago. Dean feels miserable.

“Yeah, I told you already. We beat the demons, went out for a nice drink and he was gone.” Dean says and he blushes, while he takes his mug to fill it with coffee. Sam frowns at that, but doesn’t call him out on his lie.

Dean remembers exactly what happened that night. How they kissed, how Castiel didn’t want him at first. He remembers how good it felt to say those three words out loud for the first time. The feeling he had, when Castiel had said them first.

He remembers the pain he felt when Castiel left. He lied to Castiel, he remembers every night, everything that ever happened between them. Dean was always over the moon, when he and Castiel kissed, but as soon as he woke up the next morning, he felt ashamed, and continued as if nothing happened.

And he had hurt Castiel with it. Dean swallows.

“Sam?” Dean whispers, when he turns his back to his little brother. He is still holding the coffee pot in his hands and he looks down to his now filled mug. He can only divine his reflection, but it’s enough.

“Yeah?” Sam asks a bit distracted, since he is still reading the new books about ghouls he found. Dean takes a deep breath. He should do this, it’s the right thing. He nods to himself.

“I like guys.” Dean says quietly and he still isn't looking at Sam. For a moment, he thinks that Sam didn't hear him. But then he feels a hand on his shoulder and Sam slowly turns him around.

“I know.” Sam says easily and Dean takes another breath. It’s shaky this time and Sam’s smile goes even softer. He isn’t angry with Dean. He knows and he is okay with it. Dean sniffles.

“I like Cas.” Dean whispers and this time Sam hugs him. Dean is a bit surprised, but he hugs Sam back as hard as he can, while he tries to hide his tears. Sam doesn’t laugh at him and even strokes his hair.

“I know. You should tell him.” Sam answers and Dean struggles not to cry even more at that, because he told Cas already and got rejected anyway. At least it feels like it, even though Dean knows it’s his own fault.

“Y-yeah.” Dean says and sniffles a last time, before he breaks the hug and rubs his sleeve over his eyes. It’s embarrassing to break down over this, but he knows that he needed to say it out loud.

Sam just nods again and then goes back to his book. Dean leaves his coffee untouched and goes back to his room. He would try to talk to Castiel again. He hadn’t even dared to pray to Castiel at all the last two weeks.

Dean sits down on his bed and fiddles with his hands. He is really nervous, but he hopes Castiel would listen to him.

“H-hey Cas, I just… I wanted to apologize. I know that I hurt you and I was a coward… but I was afraid and I know it’s stupid, but I promise that I will do better. Please believe me… I really need you here.” Dean stutters and he even clasps his hand for his prayer.

The words only come slowly over his lips, but he feels also a bit relieved. He knows he said it before, but it’s the first time being sober.

“Hello Dean.”

Dean jerks hard when he hears that and when he looks up the angel is standing in the corner of his room. He looks like he's still hurt and Dean wants to go over there and kiss him better, but he knows he is not allowed to do that.

“C-Cas.” Dean says and he awkwardly gets up as well. Castiel doesn’t move. 

“Are you drunk again?” Castiel asks and he is angry. Dean shakes his head, but he knows that he deserved that.

“No. I mean it… just say the word and I’ll go anywhere blindly.” Dean answers and Castiel seems a bit surprised at that. Dean takes another step towards him while Castiel is just watching him. Still looking too angry.

“Why should I believe you?” Castiel asks and Dean has no idea. He fucked this up and Castiel has every right to be angry with him. Hell, if he never wants to talk to Dean again, even that would be understandable.

“Because, I love you. Any road you take, you know that you’ll find me. I mean it Cas. No matter what happened, I was there and I will be there in the future. For every second if you want me.” Dean says and he takes another step forward. Castiel holds his hand up and Dean stops.

“I heard those words before and back then they didn’t mean anything.” Castiel says and his voice slowly turns from angry to sad. Dean wishes he could take the pain away from him.

“I know… I remember, Cas, every single time and I don’t regret it, please read my thoughts again. I promise!” Dean nearly begs and, if Castiel wants it, he would even go down to his knees.

“You remember?” Castiel asks and his blue eyes fill with tears again. Dean wants to smack himself.

“Yeah… I was just afraid. I’m not even sure why and I’m really sorry, Cas. I’m a sucker for all the subliminal things we did before, like our staring and I loved everything we did while I was drunk. I always was aware of this. I was just too afraid!” Dean says and his breath hitches.

What if Castiel still doesn't want him?

“And now you aren’t afraid anymore?” Castiel asks shyly and this time it’s the angel who takes a step forward. Dean’s heart speeds a bit faster.

“No. No one knew about you or my feelings to you and I wanted to keep it that way, but as always, you’re making me break my typical rules. I already told Sam and… I will tell the whole world, if you want it.” Dean admits and Castiel breaks out into a smile.

“And heaven?” Castiel asks quietly and Dean laughs.

“Heaven and hell. I'll tell everybody.” Dean promises and when Castiel holds his hand out, Dean finally goes over to him and hugs him. Castiel’s hands find his hips, like they did so many times before, but now it feels different.

“Tell me again.” Castiel whispers and Dean kisses his cheek, before he nods.

“I love you.” Dean says and Castiel’s laugh is the most beautiful sound he ever heard. Castiel kisses him slowly and this time it’s Dean who cries into the kiss. Just a few drops, but he can’t help it. Castiel would stay with him, even after what he did to him.

“Just promise me that you will always remember me and never pretend to forget again.” Castiel says, still close enough that Dean can feel the words on his mouth. Dean shakes his head. 

“I won’t, because I’m a sucker for you.” Dean laughs and winks at him, but Castiel kisses him quiet.

Which is a lot better anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if I broke your heart :P 'Cause lemme tell you, I broke the one from my beta friends :D
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://notfunnydean.tumblr.com)


End file.
